Things my kids have learned from their dad

FathersdayHow to iron a shirt.
How to build a fire.
How to determine when it’s time to seek shelter and when it’s time to push through.
How to play that tricky F sharp minor bar chord on a guitar.
How to make yucky chicken palatable. (Chocolate sauce. Duh)
How to sleep in a tent, in a lean-to, in a yurt, in a cabin.
How to be a great friend.
How to fit every single dish from a big dinner into the dishwasher (irrespective of just how clean they actually get).
How to put the slipped chain back on your bike.
How to climb a mountain.
How to get back down.
How to make great pancakes.
How to let everyone else go on talking while you quietly assess a situation.
How to build a community.
How to remain calm and rational in times of crisis.
How to carry your own gear.
How the hardest things are sometimes the most important ones.
How to enjoy an occasional glass of good scotch, a nice glass of good wine or a beer or two (to be filed away for later use).
How to pay attention to details, even (especially) when you are tired, cold/ hot, frustrated, late or busy.
How to put your heart and soul into your family, even when it’s challenging.
How to communicate the depth of your love without so many words because words may not be your thing: a hug, a quiet walk together after dinner, a midnight review of quadratic equations.

Happy Father’s Day, my love. Thank you for all you’ve taught our children – and me.

Wishing a wonderful day to all fathers everywhere who nurture the potential in each of their children, making the world a better place for all of us.

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Instagram Direct messages – More tips for parents

Instagram DirectWhen yesterday’s post about Instagram tips for parents went up, I got an email from one mom point out what I forgot to mention: direct messages. Like many social networks, Instagram offers the users the option to send private, direct messages to one or more users.

Why is this so important? Because users can share pictures and mention others without any notifications. It’s an online private conversation between 2 or 15 users, and can include people who aren’t approved as followers. It works just like email, but has the added cachet of taking place on Instagram (most kids and teens only use email to send assignments to their teachers or write thank you notes to their grandparents).

A few things you need to know if your kid is on Instagram:

-1- With Instagram Direct, your child can send and receive images, videos and messages from strangers and/or unapproved followers. This service makes it impossible to trust that the privacy settings will prevent public interaction.

-2- Remind your kid that nothing they say or share online is private. Images and videos can very easily be reposted and shared, even if it’s part of a “private” Instagram Direct message. While users can delete something they’ve shared even after they’ve sent it, they can never be sure it wasn’t copied or shared by someone else.

-3- Group messaging has been cited by many schools and parents in cyberbullying incidents. The technology itself isn’t guilty – it’s the way groups of kids may decide to use it. Parents should carefully monitor the Instagram Direct messages on their younger kids’ feeds.

Blocking users on Instagram-4- Report or block abusive or inappropriate messages. You can report abusive posts that are sent to you by tapping the three dots [ . . . ] below a photo or video post. If you don’t want someone to send a post to you, you can ignore their post in your direct posts by tapping the “x” or you can block that person.

 

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Your kid wants an Instagram account? What parents need to know

Example of teen Instagram“Mom, can I have an Instagram account?”

Until very recently, Facebook was the first social media account sought by elementary school-aged kids aware that connecting with their friends on something more sophisticated than Moshi Monsters was a sign of teenage sophistication. This is despite the fact that Facebook guidelines state it is only for users aged 13 and over (any kid that can subtract 13 from the current year and tick off a box can get around this). And although Facebook is still very much alive and well with tweens and teens, the grandaddy of social media has tracked a decrease among its youngest users, with a significant number of kids as young as seven are turning to Instagram, Whatsapp, Kik and Snapchat for their first “grown-up” accounts.

Instagram is a picture-sharing social network, where users set up their own accounts, share images with followers, edit the images with different filters and digital effects, and share, like or comment on each other’s images. Instagram has enjoyed the popularity of the “selfie” (images you take yourself, usually with a smartphone or tablet device), and users enjoy how easy it to share pictures and video with a comment or two, mention other users so they get notified, indicate where the image was taken, and include hashtags (search terms preceded by a #).

Parents with children as young as seven or eight are fielding requests for Instagram accounts, as many first and second-graders have access to wifi-enabled smartphones, iTouches and tablets. It’s never been so easy for so many kids to be so connected. And while there is nothing inherently bad about a social media network like Instagram, it does open up a Pandora’s Box of concerns about letting kids on the Internet.

If your school-aged child is asking you for an Instagram account, here are some of the things you need to know:

-1- Instagram’s terms of use state that the minimum age for users is 13. For many parents, this ends the conversation. You can tell your kids that this is the rule and that’s that. There are good reasons for this rule, including safety, security, privacy and experience required to exercise good judgement. Click on the above link and look over the Terms of Use with your kid.

-2- You can’t unring the bell. All kids online are prone to stumbling across images of sex, violence and other kinds of mature content. You can install kid-safe search filters or search engines (like Google’s Kidzsearch or SafeSearchKids), but even preschoolers recognize the entertainment value of searching for YouTube videos (YouTube is second to Google as the world’s most popular search engine). Kids quickly recognize the appeal of scrolling through Instagram feeds, and may stumble across images they won’t be able to unsee.

You know your kid and your context better than anyone. You need to decide what s/he is capable of handling, how comfortable they will be talking to you about what they see, how much supervision you can offer. This is true not only for Instagram but all of their activities online.

Edit your profile Instagram-3- Keep personal info off the profile bio. They shouldn’t include their family names (even in their usernames), where they live, the name of their school or even how old they are. This image shows you exactly how to edit your profile (you can also click on the Edt. You want to make sure that a Google search of their name doesn’t turn up their account, for reasons of privacy and security.

-4- Help them set up their accounts. Even if you have no clue how to do so. Use Google like a giant user manual, search for answers to questions like “how do I configure privacy settings on my Instagram account?” Figuring this out together models for them the process of establishing safe settings, thinking about privacy and more. Soon enough they will be setting up their own accounts for different things without you, so it’s important to go through the paces and have these conversations when they start to go online.

Instagram privacy settings-5- Set their accounts so their photos and videos are private. This means only those who follow your child can see their images, and their accounts are not public. When an account is set to private, they will get a notification any time someone wants to follow them. They can choose whether to approve it or not. The image to the right shows what you need to click on to set this properly.

Understand there will be some pushback here. For many kids (and adults), social media is about the number of followers they can get, the number of likes they can tally for their images. Some kids promise in their profile descriptions that they will always follow back. Apps like Followers+ help them track and increase those numbers. It’s essentially a popularity contest, and many kids get very caught up in those numbers.

-6- Show them how to review tags. Your child should review when a friend tags them in a picture or description
(they will get a notification from Instagram). If they don’t like the picture or what is being said, they need to contact that friend to ask them to remove the tag and/or take the picture down. Every user needs to learn how to monitor mentions and images of themselves online. Instagram notifications

-7- Regularly review your child’s list of followers with them, and block any strangers who may have been inadvertently approved. Kids are very trusting of superficial identification. They don’t know that the person claiming to be a 13-year-old girl may be a middle-aged man, or that someone easily pass themselves off as a friend when they are not.

-8- Help them think critically about the images they post online. Start off by insisting that they can not post pictures of themselves without your permission. We started off with no pictures of themselves at all, then gradually progressed to one or two pictures that met with my approval. There are plenty of silly, harmless jokes, images of celebrities, sports figures and adorable puppies they can share.

-9- Tell them they can not post pictures of friends without their approval (and their parents’ permission). Not everyone is allowed to have pictures of themselves on the Internet. They need to get used to asking permission before snapping pictures and posting them online. And not everyone may be pleased that you posted a picture of them looking silly, or less than attractive. Having an Instagram account means respecting others’ right to their own images. This is a conversation you need to have with them over and over again.

-10- Create your own Instagram and follow your kid. As your child to help you come up with a user name and profile description. Even if you have zero interest in having your own account, it’s important to have some idea what interests your kids.

Kids also love Instagram Direct – the private direct messaging service that allows them to interact with strangers and unapproved followers. Click here to read what parents should know about this option.

 

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