Tag Archives: parenting

In the News: Talking to CTV News About Kids, Screens, Gaming & Social Media

Alissa Sklar CTV News

CTV News Reporter Caroline Van Vlaardingen stopped by for a discussion with me about kids, digital technology, smartphones, gaming and social media, as part of the larger discussion about mental health issues for Bell Let’s Talk day on January 30th.

Here’s an edited look at what I had to say.

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When is a soda not a soda?

My 14-year-old daughter stopped at the dep on her way home from school last week, looking for a snack after a lengthy extra-curricular activity. The depanneur (convenience store) is right next to the school and very familiar with the teen students in their plaid kilt uniforms. 

Smirnoff Raspberry Soda

Deceptive packaging makes this look like a regular soda.

She bought a can of low-calorie raspberry soda and hopped on the bus home. But the soda tasted strange. Way too sweet. So she checked the ingredient list and was shocked to find it contained 4% alcohol. 

“Um, Mom? I bought alcohol by mistake.”

Turns out what she actually bought was a Smirnoff cooler with a raspberry & soda flavour. The Smirnoff label is very prominent but like the average 14-year-old, she didn’t know or recognize the brand name. Everything else about the packaging (see photo) suggests this was a soft drink. 

Initially, we laughed off her error and poured it down the sink. I told her how glad I was that she told me about it. She wasn’t at fault and certainly wasn’t in trouble.

Then I got upset. And the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. But not with her.

First of all, I was upset that the dep employee sold alcohol to a 14-year-old wearing the familiar high school uniform (she even had on a hoodie with the school name). She wasn’t challenged or asked for identification. Moreover, the product wasn’t in a beer and cooler fridge, surrounded by other products obviously containing alcohol; it was in a six-pack on a shelf next to some bananas and snack foods. 

Mostly, however, I was upset about the packaging for this product. It’s easy to see how a teenager unfamiliar with the Smirnoff brand might think it’s a soda. The most obvious marketing messages in this packaging design are about the low calorie nature of the beverage and the raspberry soda flavour. Even if a young person was deliberately seeking alcohol, it makes it seem so benign. And the sugary sweet taste promoted by the beverage suggests it’s designed for young drinkers.

The whole mixup seems particularly onerous in the wake of the death from alcohol poisoning last month of another 14-year-old girl from Laval. Athena Gervais had reportedly been drinking a high sugar alcoholic beverage called FCKD UP purchased from a nearby depanneur. Laval-based Groupe Geloso, which manufactured the drink, announced soon after that it was stopping production and pulling it from shelves. Similar to the American beverage, Four Loko, the drinks are very high in alcohol and caffeine – and both brands appeal to youth.

It seems the problem is bigger than just those one or two particular drinks. Can we address the way packaging and marketing specifically appeals to underage drinkers? How it is deliberately promoted to seem like candy or energy drinks or soda as if it were completely safe for all?

The day after this incident, I went over t0 the depanneur where my daughter bought this drink. Full of mama rage, I confronted the owner. To his credit, he was shocked and horrified and apologized immediately. He recognized that placing these drinks next to snack foods and away from the rest of the alcohol could be confusing to students and pledged to move them right away. And he promised to reinforce to all his employees that the legal age for alcohol consumption in Quebec is 18, and they must demand identification to prove their age. My 14-year-old could easily pass for older, but she was wearing a high school uniform and thus clearly no older than 17. She claims the worker showed zero interest in what she was purchasing. 

I was satisfied with the owner’s response and proud of my daughter for speaking up. But I remain concerned about this kind of misleading advertising. There are many reasons why alcohol consumption can be dangerous for teens, from alcohol poisoning to addiction, heightened risk of assault, drinking and driving, and decreased judgment. This kind of marketing is unethical and it’s our kids who pay the price.

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Advice from a transgender kid, their parent & sibling

It’s been a long time since I’ve last posted. I’ve been busy with workshops in schools and community organizations for parents, teachers, and students. I still feel like I have so much to share and say in this space, but work and kids and life often get in the way.

Then I read this post on Facebook, from a mom halfway across the country whom I’ve never met in person, but whose path crossed with mine thanks to a mutual friend. I have much respect and admiration for her writing skills, but it was the following post about her child’s recent decision to come out as transgender (specifically, non-binary) that stopped me short. I wrote to ask permission to repost it here, and she readily agreed.

I have a transgender child who regularly experiences gender dysphoria. I suspect many, if not most of you, don’t know what that means. But as I am compelled by the devastating news that yet another mother has lost her transgender child this week to suicide, I am going to tell you, because everyone needs to understand this NOW: Gender dysphoria refers to the severe distress experienced when a person’s outsides (their body &/or clothing) do not match their insides (their gender identity: who they know themselves to be).

When we as a society refuse to accept someone’s gender identity — by intentionally using the wrong name &/or the wrong pronoun; by refusing them access to the bathroom that matches their gender identity; by pressuring or downright forcing them to conform to the gender binary when their identity is non-binary (in other words, there IS no bathroom for them); by insisting that they wear their hair and clothing to make us feel comfortable, rather than to help them BE WHO THEY ARE — we inflict a form of suffering that is life threatening.

It breaks my heart, reading the posts of fellow parents of transgender youth who are struggling to keep their children alive in the face of discrimination and ignorance from other family members, friends, teachers, churches, schools. These children cut themselves, overwhelmed by a compulsion to self harm. They are afraid to leave the house. They are bullied. They are shamed. They are physically and psychologically beaten up. There is no excuse for this. It is so simple, and does no one any harm, to let these children be who they are. People need to learn. People need to understand. People need to change.

My family is so blessed. My child receives unconditional love from their mother, father, and sister. My child is accepted and supported by our community of family, friends, teachers, and other caregivers. And still, it is not easy. We have waited a long time to receive medical support and treatment, but we are now receiving that. We have been fumbling along, pulling together our support team of allies, support groups, and counsellors. We are the lucky ones.

Please, share this far and wide. I don’t believe most people mean the harm they do. They don’t understand. They are afraid. But all of us, I believe, want the same thing: to be loved and accepted for who we are. And that’s what our children need from us.

Pride Parade familySo much love. So much courage. Such wise words.

I asked if I could share this post in this space because it moved me enough to pick up where I left off many months ago.

She agreed, then asked her child and their sibling if they had anything else they’d like to add. Together, they came up with some advice for anyone wanting to know how to be supportive allies to their transgender friends, family members, classmates, and colleagues:

  1. Read up on transgender identities and gender dysphoria to educate yourself on what it means and how it feels to be transgender. While respectful questions and conversations are generally welcome, it is a strain on transgender people to have their gender constantly at the forefront of every interaction and conversation and to carry the ongoing responsibility of educating others.
  2. Always accept another person’s chosen name and pronouns. Their identity is about them, not you. It is disrespectful and rude to complain about how hard it is for you to get their name and pronouns correct. Imagine how difficult it is to be transgender and have your dysphoria triggered by being misgendered and deadnamed!
  3. Always make an effort to use your friend/family member/classmate/colleague’s requested name and pronouns. It’s ok to make mistakes! If you do, simply correct yourself and move on. If you stop and make a big deal out of your mistake, you make it all about you, when that person’s name and pronouns are supposed to be all about them.
  4. Never ask about another person’s genitals!!! Someone else’s private parts are none of your business unless you are embarking on an intimate and consensual relationship with them.
  5. If you observe someone using the incorrect name and pronoun for your transgender friend/family member/classmate/colleague, kindly correct them. If you see someone harassing or bullying a transgender person (or anyone for that matter), stand up for them!
  6. Show your support for the LGBTQ community by wearing pride pins, participating in pride parades, posting a rainbow on your social media page, office door, etc.
  7. Start an LGBTQ-Straight Alliance in your school/organization. If you manage/over-see a public or communal space, pro-actively look for ways to make it inclusive and gender neutral. Provide gender-neutral bathrooms and if you are in a public/communal space that does not offer one, be a good ally and request that one be provided.
  8. Be mindful of the power of your words. Making jokes about depression, self-harm, and suicide, can be very triggering for anyone dealing with emotional pain. Ask yourself before you speak: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If the answer to any of these question is “No,” it is best to keep your mouth shut.
  9. Always affirm someone’s choice of gender expression, even if it seems unusual to you or makes you feel uncomfortable. Genuine compliments on hairstyle and clothing are welcome. Pressuring someone to wear/try on clothing or hairstyles they are not comfortable in is not cool.
  10. Advice from the little sister of a non-binary sibling: give one of your special stuffies a gender-neutral name and pronouns and introduce them to all of your friends and family members!

For more information and additional resources

Egale
 
National lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans (LGBT) human rights organization for advancing equality, diversity, education and justice. 
Website: www.egale.ca
 
Family Acceptance Project:
 
Research and Resources on family acceptance/family rejection and impacts on sexually and gender diverse youth. 
 
Gender Creative Kids (Canadian)
 
Canadian resource for supporting and affirming gender creative kids within their families, schools and communities
 
Gender Spectrum (American)
 
Information and resources regarding gender identity
 
Healthy Children.org (American)
 
Information regarding gender in children. Search under: Gender Non-Conforming & Transgender Children
 
The Gender Book
 
Youth-friendly book and online resource on gender identity
 
For Families: PDF’s available online:
 
Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Recommended Fiction and Nonfiction Resources for K-12 Schools – 2nd edition
 
 
Welcoming Schools (LGBTQ-inclusive children’s books)
 
 
Flamingo Rampant (LGBTQ-inclusive children’s books)
 
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